Honing Your Listening Skills Like a Katana

Leaders must develop their ability to pay attention. This requires an enhanced level of listening skills.   As a leader, are you able to listen to another person at multiple levels at the same time?

Adopt these 10 strategies and you will hone your skills to katana-sharpness.

1. Focus on the speaker's deeper meaning, not just the surface words. What is the speaker's basic motivation in the moment: persuasion, transfer of information, approval?

2. Focus on content, not delivery. Concentrate speaker is saying and do not be  unduly affected by her way of stating it.

3. Don't assume you know what the speaker is going to say. Reject prejudging a message, so you can hear all of it without filtering.

4. It is very easy to tune out  so listen for common ground. What do you agree with? What is problematic? Search for brand-new concepts or understandings that could be useful to you.

5. Take notes, even if brief. This will improve your retention of key points.

6. Resist distractions and  interruptions. Outside distractions are incidents you can listen to or see, or which might be influencing your ability to hear. Interior distractions take place when your mind wanders into unconnected memories or moves  to assumptions  or strategies.

7. Use the speed of your mind. You think 5 times faster than she can speak. Actively collate, infer, evaluate, and connect what you are being told. Do not allow musings unconnected to the discussion.

8. Listen to the speaker's emotions and feelings and label them silently. Every person understands that  intelligence is a servant to feelings. When you listen to emotions, you are listening to the real human being, not an artificial, nonauthenticatic person.

9. Bend your mind. You can avoid complex  topics, or you can intellectually face Byzantine information to force you learn and grow.

10. Love listening! Take to heart the these recommendations. Empathize with the speaker's discomforts to enhance your understanding, whether or not you agree.

The Cost of American Militarism

Segment 1: Military Spending is Making American Less Secure.

The United States is spending more on the military than ever before. Over 50% of every dollar that we pay in taxes goes to support military spending. What are the consequences and what can be done about it? To consider that question we have Mel Goodman on this edition of The Doug Noll Show. Mel is a 24-year veteran of the CIA and offers an insider’s view of the U.S. military economy. He is author of the book National Insecurity: The Cost of American Militarism.

 

Mel worked within the government for 42 years and had the highest level of security clearance. He came to the sad conclusion that there has been tremendous exaggeration of every threat we have ever talked about since the end of WWII. He argues that U.S. military spending is making American poorer and less secure. For example, the U.S. squandered an amazing opportunity to change its military spending and military procedures after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Unfortunately, nothing changed. The last four presidents have been scared of the military and have not known how to deal and communicate with it.

 

Segment 2: The Hopes of Our Children.

Mel believes the American people need to become more active and call their representatives and voice their opinions regarding national security and military spending. Americans have become ethno-centric and congress has basically been “bought” by the defense companies. Military spending is out of control and this leaves very little money to pay for domestic issues such as bridges, roads, schools, and infrastructure. President Eisenhower warned about this in a speech: we are not only spending our capital, we are spending the sweat of our laborers, the genius of our scientists and the hopes of our children.

 

Segment 3: Totalitarian Dominance.

Since the Ronald Reagan administration we’ve had a totalitarian dominance of foreign policy by the military. In order to reverse this we need to demilitarize the national security arena and develop a more effective state department. The oversight process of the military has gradually disappeared. Additionally, when we give the military more money than they really need, it’s a tremendous drain on America’s ability to conduct its domestic policy.

 

The press has abused the freedom of the press by not exercising its right to freedom. It’s very hard for a contrarian to get a voice into the mainstream media. Peace does not sell in the media. We are the strongest nation in the world with the strongest geo-political position and the only country that can project military power, and instead of using this as a bargaining chip or for leverage in some way, we continue to pour on more military aid throughout the world.

 

Segment 4: Increase Prosperity and Security at Home.

So how do we shift America away from a militaristic state? We start by making sure that the military is not the key instrument in foreign policy. We need to get the state department more engaged and de-militarize the intelligence community. We also need a more effective Senate Foreign Relations committee and we need to cut back on military spending. The American people need to start asserting themselves and putting pressure on their Senators to change the status quo. We need to alter our military spending policies in order to better position the U.S. globally and increase prosperity and security at home.

 

To listen to the entire interview:

 

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Fire and Forget: Short Stories from the Long War

Segment 1: From Baghdad to Brooklyn, from Kabul to Fort Hood.

Our guests on this edition of The Doug Noll show are Matt Gallagher and Roy Scranton, authors of the book Fire and Forget: Short Stories from the Long War. http://www.fireandforgetbook.com/

 

Their website describes the book: “The stories aren’t pretty and they aren’t for the faint of heart. They are gritty, haunting, shocking and unforgettable. This anthology brings us a chorus of powerful storytellers – some of the first bards from our recent wars, emerging voices and new talents – telling the kind of panoramic truth that only fiction can offer. What makes these stories even more remarkable is that all of them are written by men and women whose lives were directly engaged in the wars --- soldiers, Marines, and an army spouse. Featuring a forward by National Book Award-winner Colum McCann, this anthology spans every era of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, from Baghdad to Brooklyn, from Kabul to Fort Hood.”

 

Segment 2: Raw Intensity and Deep Emotional Investment.

Matt and Roy met in New York while at a veterans writing workshop at New York University. There is a small community of veterans in New York, and even smaller community of vets who write. A few folks at the writing workshop broke out and started brainstorming about what to do with the amazing stories. Matt and Roy felt there were a lot of memoirs on the market but very few fiction short stories about war. Fiction makes it possible for the reader to make a deep emotional investment that might be more difficult with non-fiction war stories. There is a raw intensity in many of the stories. Most of the writers are under 40 and are recently back from serving.

 

Segment 3: A Call for Submissions.

To solicit submissions they cast a wide net. They talked to people they knew, they sent out emails to veterans writing groups, they reached out across the country to different veterans organizations with a call for submissions. They received quite a few stories from which to choose and went from there. They looked within the stories for an exchange, a description, an event that couldn’t be forgotten. They wanted all the short stories to add additional layers to the anthology. The fiction needed to feel new and fresh and engaging to be included in the book.

 

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Matt has worked with veterans groups as a Senior Writing Fellow, mostly to encourage them to get their experiences down on paper for cathartic purposes. The writing experience can create a new creative capacity in their lives. There is a military-civilian divide and Matt and Roy feel the most important thing they as vets can do within the community is to represent themselves and get their stories out there. The only way to really understand people’s personal stories is to keep talking, keep engaging, keep diving into the complexities of American History.

 

To listen to the complete interview:

 

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Conflict Unplugged

Segment 1: Why Don’t We Try Cooperation?

Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is up-and-coming young peacemaker Jesse Treakle, founder and director of the organization Conflict Unplugged. Jesse is based in San Diego and is currently finishing up his PhD in Conflict Resolution. When asked about his personal journey as a peacemaker, Jesse remembers at the age of five settling a conflict between two cousins. They were arguing over who was going to climb the ladder of a hen house first, and as the story goes, Jesse asked them, “Why don’t we try cooperation?” In 2000 as a member of AmeriCorps, Jesse had his first official mediation training seminar and walked out of the event a changed man. The skills spoke to him and he knew they would speak to others. He then spent a year in Switzerland studying peacemaking and pursued a Master’s degree in conflict resolution.

 

Segment 2: Teach the Children.

Eventually Jesse ended up in United Arab Emirates teaching English and conflict resolution to school kids. He had no idea the response to his first after-school program would be so huge. The school kids came each week and learned conflict resolution techniques and skills, which was completely new terrain to them. It was a very powerful experience, for Jesse as well as the students.

 

Segment 3: Conflict Unplugged.

Jesse tell us that he set up his peacemaking organization, Conflict Unplugged, on two simple ideas:

1) Conflict is not synonymous with disagreement. Often we think if we get into a disagreement we automatically get into a conflict. Instead, we need to ask ourselves, “What triggers lead us into conflict and how can we catch ourselves before we go down that road?”

2) It’s important to create a clear definition of conflict and to stress that is it NOT positive and inevitable, but instead, negative and preventable. This change of mindset is not easy and takes effort, but if we want to create a world that is harmonious and break the cycles of violence then we need to get past the idea that we are inevitably driven toward conflict.

 

Segment 4: Study the Instigators.

So how do you teach people to become less reactive to the triggers that cause conflict? The first thing is to separate disagreement and conflict. Then identify and study the instigators: anger and other negative feelings, negative character judgment, and feelings of inferiority or superiority. It’s a process of engaging in reflection. Take the negative emotion and let it be an indicator of what is missing in a relationship (with someone else or even with yourself). This self-reflection calls for a tremendous amount of discipline and system-2 thinking. The most challenging thing to do is to have that new thought pattern become habitual. To read more about Jesse’s crucial work, please visit his website: http://www.conflict-unplugged.com/.>

 

To listen to the entire interview:

 

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Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish: Wisdom is Stronger than Bombs

Segment 1: Conflict is Caused by Fear.

Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is the esteemed Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish, a Palestinian medical doctor who has dedicated his life to raising awareness for peace between Israel and Palestine. Dr. Abuelaish is also the founder of Daughters for Life, a foundation established to advance the education and health of girls and women from the Middle East.

 

Dr. Abuelaish believes the Palestinians need to be responsible for their own lives and for their own health and well-being, but the world needs to help them. It’s a mutual responsibility. A lot of conflict is caused by fear. In order to overcome that deep seated fear we need to be open and honest. Most fear comes from misinformation, a psychological barrier or ignorance. It’s easy to hide behind fear, but we must take responsibility to face our fears and learn about other cultures in order to find common ground.

 

Segment 2: No Child is Born a Warrior.

It is fear, ignorance and greed that drive the vast majority of violence and conflict. Humans become habitual in the way they view the world and violence becomes a means to an end. It is difficult to end that cycle. Dr. Abuelaish thinks once we have justice in life, we can attain peace. Once we have the human values we were born with, we have no need for violence. Violence is a disease and must be studied and treated as a disease. This disease is man-made; it is manufactured. No child is born a warrior. The best thing to do, if you want to remove violence and fear, is to change the environment in which children are raised.

 

Segment 3: Wisdom is Stronger than Bombs.

Dr. Abuelaish says it’s time for the international community to step up and tell the Israeli government that its attitude toward the Palestinians is not tolerable and we need to have peace in the region. Any progress in the peace process is for the interest of the world, not just for the Palestinians. It will save the Israelis from their self-destructive behavior. The solution is there; now all it takes is the governments to come together and make it happen. It’s time to start to build some trust. Let the actions speak. It’s time for us to ask, “What world do we want for our children? What legacy do we want them to have? What do we want them to inherit?”

 

Despite unimaginable tragedy, Dr. Abuelaish says he is not a victim. The death of his daughters just strengthened his resolve to work tirelessly for peace and justice and freedom. Anger and violence is a destructive disease to the one who carries it. Wisdom and good deeds are stronger than bullets and bombs.

 

Segment 4: Daughters for Life Foundation.

The Daughters for Life Foundation was established in memory of his daughters. Its goal is to promote education of girls and women from the Middle East --- girls who have the potential but not the resources. The most efficient and effective means for change is to invest in the education of girls and women and to enable them to reach their full potential. The child who is educated will have educated children. With that, Dr. Abuelaish can keep his daughters’ memories alive. To learn more about Dr. Abuelaish and his invaluable work, visit http://www.daughtersforlife.com/.>

  

To listen to the entire interview:

 

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Taming the Temper Within

Segment 1: Anger is a Normal Human Emotion.

Our guest on this episode of The Doug Noll Show is Nathanial Smith. Nathanial is a professional counselor specializing in anger, depression, anxiety and domestic violence. His is the author of Taming Your Temper, a Workbook for Individuals, Couples and Groups. His website is http://www.nathanielsmithcounselor.com/.

 

Nathanial’s father was in the mental health profession for many years and helped thousands of people, which is ultimately what drew Nathanial to this career. He’d like his legacy to be the same as his father’s: help people get in touch with their emotions and become empowered and courageous enough to address feelings of anger, anxiety and depression. Anger is a normal human emotion, but when it’s applied as a form of aggression and people’s rights are violated, it becomes a problem.

 

So how do you teach people to manage their anger? In his book Taming Your Temper, Nathanial gives exercises to practice control. There are pragmatic ways to communicate and solve conflicts, but it needs to start at a young age. Parents need to sit down with their children and talk about communication and feelings.

 

Segment 2: Emotional Intelligence.

In Nathanial’s experience, men don’t learn to express feelings. It’s important to teach our kids emotional intelligence at an early age so they can become empathic adults. Nathanial is a cognitive coach: he helps people become aware and articulate what they’re feeling and make a choice about how they want to respond in that moment. Once people realize they do have a choice, they become empowered.

 

Segment 3: The Physical Response to Anger.

Nathanial wanted to write a book to help people realize that their anger is manageable. He began putting together a list of tools to help clients during their counseling sessions, and realized after a while that he had enough information to create a workbook. The book is full of exercises and examples that people can use to become emotionally aware. He wanted to give people a way to get help in the privacy of their own home.

 

There is a physical response to anger: your heart rate gets faster, your adrenalin surges, your muscles tense up, your prefrontal cortex shuts down and you look for some sort of a release. With people who are resistant to becoming vulnerable and exploring feelings, Nathanial starts with teaching them the physical response. Once they understand that, he moves into the emotional part. Somatic awareness is one of the first steps of developing emotional intelligence.

 

Segment 4: Fear Shuts Us Down.

Empathy is defined as recognizing the emotions of others. To do this, we need to learn how to be in touch with our own emotions. Fear shuts us down and can devastate our lives. Nathanial finds that once people push through the fear of having to open up and be vulnerable, they bloom and have a fantastic transformation.  

 

To listen to the entire interview:

 

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Soha Al-Jurf: Finding Peace as a Palestinian-American Woman

Segment 1: Born In the Occupied West Bank.

Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is Soha Al-Jurf, a Muslim woman born the occupied West Bank to Palestine parents, and raised in an Arab community in Iowa City. Soha is the author of a new "fictional memoir" Even My Voice Is Silence. Although she is a speech pathologist by profession, her true passion is understanding and communicating the plight of the Palestinians.

 

As a Palestinian-American raised in the USA, Soha’s mother made sure she was intimately connected to her heritage. For as long as she can remember, Soha has always been trying to find ways to relate to her heritage culturally and as an activist.

 

Segment 2: Peace Starts by Humanizing Each Other.

Soha was raised in Iowa, but travelled back to Palestine in 2004-2005 and again in 2009. She also spent summers there as a kid. She believes the current Palestinian conflict has been a difficult conflict to get resolved because there are many layers, and the fact that much of politics today is fraught with deep self-interests. No solution is going to be achieved by putting our faith and trust in government heads who we think will suddenly become less self-interested and more altruistic. In order for the Israeli-Palestinian issue to be resolved, enough of a critical mass must stand up and say “no, we’re not going to take it anymore.” Peace starts by humanizing one another and finding basic common ground. That’s the only way a shift will happen.

 

Segment 3: Find Peace Within.

Soha says we need to find a balance between the non-violent, passive approach and the ultra-violent extremists. She believes the only way for things to change is for people to take conscious responsibility for their own self-awareness and self-evolution, and aim toward a higher consciousness. To reach genuine peace, we need to step back and ask, “What’s my role in the world? How can I shift my own consciousness to heal what is broken in me and in my community?”  We must deal with the trauma within ourselves and find peace within ourselves before we can deal with external violence.

 

Segment 4: We Can’t Source-Check Scripture.

Religion is different than spirituality. What we find in many conflicts is that religion is a very important identity driver. People start to identify themselves and justify themselves through a narrow view of what they believe in religiously. In terms of Palestinian society, certainly the society is religious, and much of the Arab Muslim world has become more religious in recent years. The zealots on the other side are the Orthodox Jews, who are making the claim that God promised the land to the Jews. Unfortunately, scripture has descended from a source with which we can’t communicate. We can’t source-check the scripture.

 

To listen to the entire interview:

 

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